I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize