she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You need Xanax blowdarts
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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