we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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