They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
