before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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