Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
