i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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