Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
