One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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