it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
