Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
honey bunches of taint.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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