I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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