so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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