i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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