I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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