I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
