I just pynch a tree in the face
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
