I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
