Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
