My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
