she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize