He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
