some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
