I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
sarcasm needs its own font
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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