He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My ass is underappreciated
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
