He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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