So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize