Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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