Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
FUCK WHALES
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