You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
