remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
