just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
