i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize