he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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