So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
