That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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