Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
