party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
