Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
