If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
