Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
