Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
