How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
