So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
