So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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