After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My legs feel like baby dolphins
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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