I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
