oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
