mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
