A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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