I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
