Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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