I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
