he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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