Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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