And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
