My friends, they love my intelligence
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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