So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
