just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
