I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
