Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
