I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
