im drinking this country out of the recession.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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